we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
