the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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