Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
