So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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