I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
