i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
