i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
