She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
