btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
