Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
