I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
