I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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