there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
