You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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