Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
