White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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