how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
