Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
