Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
