i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we're so committed to being not committed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
