If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
