He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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