That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
