The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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