hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
