the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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