halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
