"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
