I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
