I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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