He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
