did you get engaged???
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
