i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
