So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
