i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
