we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
