i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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