It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
