I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
