On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
