Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
