He is an equal opportunity slut.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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