I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He has the fingertips of a God
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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