508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
