I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
