You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
