if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
