i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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