girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
