Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
