What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
