Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
