I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
