well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
