they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
